


For What It's Worth

by Krashlyn



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, krashlyn - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-01-13 19:56:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1238902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krashlyn/pseuds/Krashlyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>just a couple more chapters left of this one</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Where are you going?!" 

"I'm not having this conversation again!" 

"Alex stop-" Ashlyn reached for her wrist but Ali pulled away. 

"That wasn't fair and you know it!" She pointed at Ashlyn. 

"I'll take it down. I'm sorry!" 

"Yea, so everyone can think I'm the bad guy again? Leave it up! It's already done." She countered. 

"We're being 'more open'. I didn't think it was a big deal!" 

"That's the problem- you... didn't... think!" She contemplated surpassing her next sentence- she knew it would hurt. But she felt so hurt herself she didn't care. She said it anyway. "Maybe this isn't a good idea right now." 

Ashlyn narrowed her eyes and stared at Ali. "What? Being more open? It was your idea!" 

"No, **this**." She pointed between Ashlyn and herself. "Us." 

"What?" Ashlyn asked softly, totally caught off guard. 

"I don't know." Ali was too mad to be talking. She didn't mean it. She knew that, but she couldn't stop herself from saying it. "I'm leaving for the Cup in a couple months and you're not-" 

"You don't need to fucking remind me that I'm not going!" Ashlyn gave her the most hurt look Ali had ever seen. That was probably the worst thing she could have said. "I got the memo." Now Ashlyn was livid. "You know what? Maybe you're right..." 

"Ashlyn, I didn't mean-" 

"No, you're right!" She countered. "This..." She mocked Ali and pointed between the two of them. "...isn't a good idea right now." 

Ali shook her head. "Fine!" She crossed her arms. _No, Ali. She'll take it seriously. Take it back._   But she was too mad to go back now. 

Ashlyn didn't really expect her to accept that but when she did it pushed Ashlyn over the edge. "Fine! Have fun in Canada." She said sarcastically and stormed off toward their bedroom. _Didn't really think this through- we live together._  

Ali couldn't stop herself- she had to get the last jab. Afterall, she is the one who was mad to begin with. "Yea? Have fun in DC!" She yelled back and was surprised when she immediately felt guilt. _I shouldn't have said that. Oh no, how do I take it back?_  

Ashlyn stopped in her tracks. Ali could see her breathing heavily, her shoulders heaving up and down. If Ashlyn turned around and smacked her in the face right now- Ali knew she would deserve it. But Ashlyn didn't turn around at all. Instead of continuing to the bedroom- she grabbed her keys and refrained from slamming the apartment door behind her as she left.  

All the anger hit her at once. Ali yelled and threw her water bottle across the room as hard as she could. "Fuckkkkk! " She cried out. She didn't mean any of that. She reached for her phone. She didn't want to end this- not now, not ever. But the anger was dominant over her remorse and she told herself she needed to calm down before talking to Ashlyn. She put the phone down, sat at the table, and cried with her head in her arms.

... 

Ali lost track of time. She wasn't sure how long she was crying. Maybe an hour. 

She called Ashlyn. No answer. She called again. Nothing. She threw the phone on the counter and dragged herself to the living room. She planned to wait her out on the couch. She had to come home sometime. Right? 

... 

She woke up two hours later when she heard a car park outside. 

There was a knock at the door. Maybe it was Ashlyn. Maybe she changed her mind. As mad as Ali was she also wished it was her. She ran to the door but waited a moment before opening it. Her face dropped a little. 

Not Ashlyn. Lori instead. Ali dropped her shoulders and left the door open for her to come in. She knew she was about to get a lecture. Of course Lori took Ashlyn's side. Ali walked to the kitchen counter and checked her phone- nothing. "Listen, Lori. I'm not really in the mood right now." 

"Ali-" Lori started. 

"I don't need a lecture! It's between her and me. Maybe I overreacted- I don't know. I'll talk to her when she comes home. But she really has to learn to-" 

"Ali!" The tone of Lori's voice stopped her short. 

When Ali looked up- she noticed something in Lori's eyes- something that worried her. "Lori, are you okay?" 

She watched as Lori slowly took a step closer. "Here, Al." She pulled out a chair for her to sit in. 

"Okay..." Ali cocked her head to the side, confused, and slowly sat down. "It's really not that big of a deal. We had a fight." She looked up at Lori with confusion. "...I said I'll talk to her." Ali continued but it sounded more like a question. 

Lori crouched in front of her and Ali narrowed her eyes. _This is different._ Normally Lori got right to it. "Ali, sweetie." Lori said calmly. She was serious- not a drop of humor or anger in her eyes and Ali felt her stomach lurch. Lori grabbed her hand. "Ash was in an accident." 

...


	2. Chapter 2

... _"Ash was in an accident."_... 

Ali stared at her for a long time before speaking. "...What?" 

"Someone ran a light and hit her." Lori grabbed her other hand now too. 

Ali felt the panic coming on. It was hard to breathe and she felt like she could throw up. Her eyes were wild and she wasn't talking. Lori squuezed her hands a little. "Okay... O-okay..." Ali started to cry. She got up and began pacing. She was holding her hand to her chest. "But she's okay. Is she at your house?" Ali wiped her eyes and grabbed her keys before turning back to Lori- who hadn't moved. 

Lori shook her head. "No." 

Ali's eyes slowly met Lori's and it felt like the longest three seconds of her life. 

Lori was trying to keep her composure for Ali's sake. "It's... it's really bad." Her voice reached a higher pitch by the end of the sentence as she choked back the tears. "She's in the hospital."

Everything in Ali's world stopped. Everything. 

Ali walked back over, tears streaming down her cheeks. "How bad?" She cried out. 

"They... th-they don't know if she's going to make it." Lori sobbed and pulled her in as Ali broke down completely. "I'm so sorry." She managed to get out before she completely lost it with her. 

... 

Lori drove her to the hospital. Ali was a wreck and couldn't drive herself, even though she tried. Lori was driving too slow for Ali's liking. Every passing second was agonizing. She ran through the doors and insisted she see Ashlyn. 

"Hun, please have a seat. A doctor will be out to speak with you shortly." 

"No, I need to see her now!" 

"Ali, come here." Lori put an arm around her and guided her to the waiting area. Ali reluctantly followed, still hysterically crying. 

...

"Ashlyn Harris?" A woman called from the desk and Ali rushed over to the doctor who walked out. 

"Are you Ali?" He read her name off a sheet of paper. 

"I am." She wiped her eyes.

"Okay, good. You're her emergency contact." Ali nodded in agreement. "I understand your friend filled you in on the situation so here is the severity of it..."

...


	3. Chapter 3

"Miss Harris was involved in a very serious car accident. The fact she is alive, albeit fortunate right now, may not be fortunate for long... She has three broken ribs on her left, a broken left arm, and her collarbone is fractured. The EMTs were able to stop the bleeding in time to save her but she lost **a lot**  of blood." Ali trembled and held back tears... "But that can all be fixed. So that's good..." She felt better for about a second. The doctor took a deep breath and continued. "Unfortunately, we believe she sustained a brain injury, she hit her head pretty hard. We're still conducting tests to figure out the extent- it could be mild, it could be fatal. We won't know for a couple hours..." Ali was stunned. She had no idea it was that bad. "Unfortunately, we do not have all the details of the accident since she has yet to wake up so we-" 

"What?! She's not awake?" Ali's heart dropped into her stomach. 

"She's in a coma. Due to the head injury... I'm sorry. I thought you were already informed of that." He was sincerely apologetic. Ali fought back a whimper and covered her mouth with her hand. He pressed on. "Since she is not awake- you'll need to contact the police department if you want more information on the accident." He let his papers fall back down to the clip-board. "I'll have a nurse bring you to her room in a minute if you'd like to see her but visiting hours for the ER are over shortly." 

Ali stood there and blankly stared at his clipboard. Not really absorbing anything since the word 'coma'. She shook his hand as he outstretched it but she didn't even feel the contact.  

... 

Lori let her go to the room alone. She figured she would want to take that moment on her own. It also gave Lori time to call the police department for information on the accident.

Ali wanted to run down the hall. To get to Ashlyn's room as fast as possible. She wanted to hug her. Hold her as close as possible and tell her everything was going to be okay. But Ali didn't know if anything would be okay. She didn't know anything anymore. 

The nurse led her down the hall and warned of what she would see. A lot of blood. Blood on the gown, blood on the bandages, dried blood on her skin. She is hooked up to a bunch of machines and monitors, including a ventilator, and she would be unresponsive. No matter how much the nurse prepared her, Ali was still in shock when they reached the room. She stood in the doorway, scared to take a step further.  

"I'm really sorry about your friend. I assure you we're doing all we can to save her." The nurse put a hand on Ali's shoulder before leaving her. 

It was worse than she imagined. She stared at Ashlyn through teary eyes. "Girlfriend." She whispered in response to the nurse who was now gone. "...She's my girlfriend." She struggled to take a step into the room. All the machines. The blood. The bandages.  _This is all my fault._  


...

A nurse came by a few minutes later and told her visiting hours were over. Ali begged for a few more minutes and she agreed to come back around after she cleared the other rooms. She could see the pain in Ali's eyes. 

It still wasn't enough time. When she came back Ali wouldn't move and she had to have another nurse help to convince a slumped over, sobbing Ali out of the room. It was heartbreaking, even for two women who dealt with this situation frequently. They apologized as they led her back to the waiting room. She could barely walk on her own she was so upset.

Lori was there to help her to a chair.

"This is my fault." She cried over and over again. Lori tried to convince her it wasn't. "She left because we fought. I was mad about a stupid picture!" She was hard to understand but Lori figured most of it out. "I was scared for people to know and now look. What if she d-"

"No!" Lori stopped her, angrily. "Don't you dare say that! And do not blame yourself." Ali crumbled into Lori and sobbed even harder. "This isn't your fault!" But Ali couldn't even hear her.

 


	4. Chapter 4

After Ali calmed down, Lori stood up and extended her hand. "Come on. I'll drive you home, kiddo."

Ali stared at her in disbelief. "I'm not leaving here until she leaves with me." She insisted. Lori saw where she was coming from but in the back of her mind she honestly didn't think that was going to be the outcome...

When she called the police department for information- the officer was surprised to find out the driver was still alive. He couldn't believe it. He agreed to meet with Lori the next day to go over all the accident information, etc. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to handle it- let alone hand it over to Ali.

...

She went to her apartment to get Ali a sweatshirt, a blanket, and some overnight necessities. Her place was closer. It made the most sense to only leave her alone for a short while.

When she came back, Ali was staring at the empty chair next to her. Lori stood in front of her until Ali looked up, a terrified look on her face.

"Al?" She knelt down in front of her. "What is it?"

Ali's lip quivered. "The doctor came out to ask a few questions. He said I should call her family, in case..." She couldn't finished the sentence. "I don't know if I can do it." She admitted. She was all cried out but she knew she would break if she talked to any of them.

"Do you want me to do it?"

Ali thought about it for a minute and slowly stood. "No, I can do it. They should hear it from me." She pulled the phone out of her pocket. "I'll call her mom first, right?"

"Sure." Lori gave her the keys to her car so they could have some privacy. "I'll be right here when you get back." She thought about texting some of the girls to let them know but decided against it. Ali needed her tonight. And the girls deserved all the details at once. She could wait until the next day.

...

The conversation was horrible, as expected, and Ali suddenly wasn't "cried out" anymore. Hearing Ashlyn's mom cry was awful but what was worse was hearing herself say it out loud. _"Ash is in the hospital. She was in a bad car accident. She's in a coma."_  Every sentence was painful, full of tears. She was describing her worst nightmare- but it wasn't a dream.  


She called Kyle too and asked him to tell their parents. She couldn't have the conversation again after that. Kyle told her it would be okay and she felt the sincerity of his words. She hoped he was right. He offered to fly to DC but with Ash's family coming in it might be too much. Ali told him she would be okay for now and would let him know updates as they came.

  
She shuffled back to the waiting room and dropped into a chair as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "What time is it?" She asked quietly.   


Lori yawned and glanced at her watch. "Almost midnight."

"You can go." Ali reassured her. "Visiting hours open back up in... ten hours. I'll be okay until then."

Lori shook her head and moved closer so Ali could lean on her shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere." She confirmed. "She would want me to stay with you."

...


	5. Chapter 5

Lori joined in visiting hours the morning but they didn't speak a word. Anything they could say wouldn't be right so they sat in silence. Ali held Ashlyn's hand the entire time. 

Ashlyn's mom and brother were on a flight to DC. Lori went home knowing they would be with Ali soon and made calls to other Spirit teammates and then Pinoe. She asked her to speak to the rest of the national team girls. She took a deep breath before her next call. Whit. She knew she deserved separate notice.

Whit was a mess from the beginning. She looked into flights out of Houston and could take one in two days. Lori agreed to call her if anything changed and they both hoped no news would be good news.

...

Her family finally arrived. Chris didn't cry until he saw Ali. The second their eyes met he realized just how bad it was. The second he walked into his sister's room he realized it was even worse.

...

The doctor explained the test results when her family was present.

She did sustain a brain injury but it wasn't as bad as expected. There was hope. Something they only prayed for before and now they had it... She wasn't paralyzed. She could breathe on her own but they would still use the vent to monitor it. There was brain activity and slight response to stimulation. He noted these were all positive signs but he pointed out the fact she still was not awake- that was the worrysome part. It all depended on whether or not she would wake up. "I do want to reiterate- things can change in an instant, it could go either way from here." He told them. He didn't want them to get their hopes too high.

Ali chose to ignore that comment. She felt a grain of hope again and she clung to that notion as tight as she could.

...

Another night passed.

Ali had given Chris and Ash's mom the keys to their apartment so they could sleep, shower, eat, etc.

Ali asked them to bring her a change of clothes. She refused to leave. She didn't care about eating. Sleep wasn't a priority. Showering was a waste of time that could be spent holding Ashlyn's hand. The girl who stood with Ali every step of the way, the strongest source of inspiration in her life, was laying in front of her practically lifeless and Ali wouldn't let go of her hand, let alone leave her side.

...

Another night passed.

Whit was coming in today.

Lori brought Ali breakfast and coffee even though she knew she would hardly eat it. She had the accident info in her car but she couldn't bring herself to give it to her now. The picture of the Jeep itself brought Lori to tears. She couldn't imagine what it would do to Ali. She asked if there was anything she needed from home before she left. 

Ali waited impatiently until visiting hours began. A few of the nurses knew her by name already. They knew she would be at the front desk for a pass not a minute past 10:00 am. Same thing with the afternoon and night hours.

Back to her chair from last night. Back to holding Ash's hand. Back to reading her the notes on the cards and flowers sent to her. Back to telling her she needed to pull through and how much she loved her- there weren't enough words to explain that one.

...


	6. Chapter 6

Whit ran to Ali when she came out to meet her. She looked horrible but Whit understood why she refused to leave, even for an hour. They held each other as tight as possible. "Whit..." Ali cried into her chest.

"Shhh. It's okay. Come on." She pulled an arm around Ali and they walked to get a pass for Whitney.

"You can only have three in the room at a time." The woman told them. Whit looked to Ali. She knew she wasn't ready to leave Ash.

"I can wait until one of them comes out. Go on." She tried to coax Ali.

Ali reluctantly conceded. "No, you flew all the way here. I can wait." She said softly. She didn't mean it and that made her feel selfish but she faked it anyway. "Her mom and Chris need you too. I'm too much of a mess." She hoped Whit would insist on waiting but she knew she couldn't.

Whit tipped her head to Tori and Jonesy who just walked in. "Maybe they can drive you home for lunch and a shower?" She encouraged her. "Okay?" Ali nodded in agreement. She didn't really want to go but she did anyway- figuring it might be her only chance. "I'll call you as soon as one of us leaves the room." Whit watched as Tori and Jonesy helped her walk outside.

...

She hardly talked the whole ride. The longest thirty minutes ever. They could tell she was blaming herself but they didn't say anything.

All that mattered was if she woke up.  _When. When she woke up._  Ali kept reminding herself.

Once she was home, Ali convinced them she would be fine on her own and could drive herself back to the hospital when she was done.

She took a shower. Hurried to get changed. Just finished pulling on leggings when her phone rang. She ran back to the bathroom for it, almost slipping when her feet hit the tile floor...

Whitney.

"Whit?!" Ali both didn't want and couldn't wait to hear what she called to say.

She heard a sniffle on the other end of the line. _Oh god._ And then.... "She's awake."

... 


	7. Chapter 7

She threw on the closest sweatshirt and ran out the door without even tying her shoes. Twenty-five minutes later she was back in the waiting room. They couldn't let her in yet... three person rule. But one of the nurses, one who knew her by name, went to the room to ask someone to switch. 

...

Chris came out ten minutes later. Ali hadn't sat down yet. She refused to waste a second to see Ashlyn.

He hugged her, tears in his eyes. "She  _would_  wait for you to leave to wake up." He laughed softly, trying to make light of the situation. Ali laughed a little too. "She's having some memory issues- doesn't remember the accident. And she's a little disoriented." He warned as she started to walk in. "Ali..." She turned to face him and waited for him to continue but he didn't have the heart. "...nevermind. I'll just talk to you when you're back." He feigned a smile and she disappeared behind the doors. 

...

She immediately ran to Ashlyn's side and grabbed her hand. It startled Ashlyn a little. If she was able to move, she would have jumped.

Ali didn't look at anyone else in the room. 

"Baby! I'm so glad you're awake." She cried and kissed Ashlyn's hand. She was hooked up to too many machines and wires and IVs for Ali to get any closer. "I love you so much, Ash. I was so scared." She cried.

Ashlyn smiled at her but it was a nervous smile. Her eyes darted to her mom and slowly back to Ali holding her hand. She didn't say a word.

"Ali, honey..." Ashlyn's mom started but she couldn't say it either. Whit fought back sobs of her own as she watched.

"Baby...?" Ali continued but Ashlyn just looked to her mom again in confusion, like a little kid asking for help. Ali trembled. She turned to Ashlyn's mom and Whit. "What's wrong?" Her eyes were pleading. They should have talked to her ahead of time. Finding out like this wasn't fair...

"She doesn't remember you, Ali."

...

The three of them met outside the room. "The doctor said she could experience some memory loss due to the brain injury. She doesn't remember the accident but she knows now that's why she's here. She doesn't remember January camp, Christmas..." Her mom paused before the next one. "NWSL is a gray area." Ali was stunned. That's a huge timeline to block out. "It seems she's lost on some of the past year." 

"He said it should only be temporary." Whitney added quickly. "A few days. Or a couple weeks. Hopefully."

"But... there is a possibility some memories will never come back." Her mom added. She was always blunt and usually Ali appreciated it. Not now. "When I said to her  _'Ali has been by your side the entire time'._.. she didn't know who I was talking about. She didn't even know she had a girlfriend." 

Ali grew more panicked. She looked to Whit. "Does she remember you?" She managed.

"Yea." Whit felt guilty when she admitted it. "I guess from the college days and some things since then. She seemed to remember most things I was talking about."

_So it's just me. How can she block out four years?_

...


	8. Chapter 8

They went back to the room. Ali sat with them in her seat next to the bed but not holding Ashlyn's hand. She barely heard the conversation. She only listened when Ashlyn spoke, which was rarely. She barely registered anything until a nurse came to the room to say visiting hours were over. The nurse told them she was going to keep Ali for the night and they hugged her goodbye, once again taking her keys so they could stay at the apartment. 

"I shouldn't be doing this." The nurse warned. "You snuck in after I kicked everyone out. Got it?" Ali nodded and the woman closed the door. Ali stared at it for a minute before turning around. How was she suppose to handle this? She felt herself shaking, breaking apart again. The only thing that shook her out of it was Ashlyn's voice.

"I  **do**  know who you are, you know." Ali's eyes darted to her girlfriend and waited for her to continue. Hoping it was all a misunderstanding.  "I saw your penalty kick in the World Cup. That was cool." She continued and Ali's heart sank. _How could she remember that and nothing else?_ "Whit said you both made the World Cup team this year?"

Ali's heart shattered. ' _Have fun in Canada'_ replayed in her head and she started bawling. 

Ashlyn had no idea what she did wrong. She didn't know what to do. How could she comfort someone she didn't even know? She wasn't suppose to move but she felt drawn to the girl in front of her. She leaned up to reach for her hand and held it in her own.  _How could I forget a girl like this?_ Ashlyn kicked herself. It was all too hard to believe. She wished she could remember.

Ali accepted it. She moved closer. Her hand in Ashlyn's and her head resting on Ashlyn's hip, sobbing into the blanket as she sat in her usual chair. Eventually she fell asleep like that.

...

The nurse came in to wake Ali when her shift was nearing it's end. It was the most sleep she had gotten in days. They were going to move Ashlyn today. She shouldn't need the vent anymore and they needed to free the room for other emergencies. Ali wanted her to stay there to have the most care possible but she knew she couldn't argue. 

She stood but did not let go of Ashlyn's hand until the nurse had to wake her to change the bandages again. 

Ali could handle the wound on her head but had to turn away for the one on her side. Ashlyn noticed. When the nurse was done Ali turned back around. "How do I look?" Ashlyn asked, a new bandage around the top of her forehead. 

"Beautiful, baby." Ali held back tears. 

The nurse filled her in. "Some of the short-term effects from the Traumatic Brain Injury, or TBI, can include: trouble thinking of the right word, difficulty concentrating, inability to understand jokes or sarcasm, things like that." She explained and Ali nodded. 

"Sounds like nothing will change." Ali nervously joked and immediately regretted it when Ashlyn looked at her as if she was offended.  _They just told me she can't understand whether I'm joking or not and I go ahead and make a joke. Good job._ Ali started to back-pedal. "I'm sorry. I-" 

Ashlyn broke into a slight smile. "Gotcha." She said weakly, still grinning. It was good to see her personality was still intact. That smile... Ali didn't care if it was at her own expense, she wanted to see that smile for a hundred more years. 

...

 


	9. Chapter 9

Ali texted Chris from the waiting room and told him they were switching her out of the ER and into ICU. He and his mom would be there soon. A nurse came for Ali. She couldn't wait for the instant a nurse would come to her with a smile, for now she had gotten use to the sympathetic look. "We took away the ventilator. If you see any irregularities- please let us know immediately" She warned and left Ali to the room. 

She walked in cautiously but when she saw less wires and machines and no breathing tube across Ashlyn's face- she couldn't help but rush to kiss her. It had been almost a week since they last kissed but it felt like forever. Especially to Ashlyn. Ali immediately apologized afterward. 

"No... it's okay." Ashlyn said quietly, hesitantly. Ali still felt bad. She couldn't imagine what this must be like for Ashlyn. 

... 

A doctor came in. He checked her vitals, gave them a list of things they could talk about to help jog Ashlyn's memory, and left them to themselves. 

"Should we try it?" Ashlyn asked. Her voice was still so low, so weak. 

"Sure. Which one do you want to talk about first?" Ali obliged and hoped she didn't opt for the one about their last conversation. 

"What's our story? Like... how did we meet?" 

Ali bit back a smile when she thought back to it. "We met at a National Team camp before the World Cup." 

"Oh." Ashlyn thought back on what she mentioned the night before. "So... were we dating when you made that penalty?" 

"No." Ali smiled. "But we were 'talking' I guess." Ashlyn nodded and waited for her to go on. "We were at camp and there was a free night and you pretended HAO ditched you for night swimming. So I said I would join you." 

"Pretended?" 

"Yea. You never admitted it but it was pretty obvious." Ali blushed. "It was cute." She reassured. 

Ashlyn felt a little better about it. "Go on." 

"So we hung out that night. Sat together at lunch the next day. And the next. But you were too shy to make a move so nothing happened and camp ended." 

"Me? Shy?" She didn't believe it. 

"I know, right?!" Ali agreed. "All that flirting and you didn't make a move." She held her hand. "But we kept in touch. I went back to Germany. The World Cup came and went. We had another camp a few months later in Denver and you  **finally**  kissed me. On a park bench... during the sunset." Ali could tell none of it rang a bell. "You're kind of a romantic." She blushed when she said it. "But you made me promise not to tell anyone. So that's between you and me." She kissed Ashlyn's hand and continued the story. 

From the very beginning to the present, she told her the basics of their relationship. She couldn't tell her about the arguement- the rest of the story was so good she didn't want to ruin it with one fight. It made her realize she could have lost everything over one stupid fight. 

"Does any of this ring a bell?" She asked but she knew the answer. 

"Not really. I mean, the team and camps and stuff- that all adds up. I just can't fit you into the equation yet." She said regretably. "I'm sorry." She was genuinely apologetic because she could see the hurt in Ali's eyes. It was there when she first woke up. 

"Oh, Ash." Ali exhaled and brought a hand to Ashlyn's cheek. "Please don't be sorry. You wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for me, my stupid insecurities. I should be the one who is sorry." She explained the fight. She explained how they had it many times. "But that's going to change." 

"We don't need to talk about that now." Ashlyn countered. It was ironic how the roles reversed. 

"...Okay." Ali said. 

"I really waited to make a move?" She changed the subject quickly. 

Ali laughed. "Yea." She nodded up and down with a smile. Her nose crinkled.  _No wonder I was nervous._ Ashlyn thought.  _That smile..._  

There was a long silence as Ashlyn was distracted by a dog in a commercial on TV. When it was over, she slowly turned to Ali. "You know what might help me remember?" She tried to keep a straight face. 

"What?" Ali leaned closer.  

"Maybe if you kissed me again. Maybe it would help." She was lying and Ali was pretty sure of it. This side of Ashlyn was still the same and it gave Ali hope she would return to her. 

She smiled and leaned even closer. "Glad to see you haven't changed." She whispered as she placed a lingering kiss on her lips. She pulled back a few seconds later. "Remember anything yet?" She asked. She would use any excuse to kiss Ashlyn again and again. 

"I think... I need another." She went along with it and let Ali lean in again. 

...

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Ashlyn felt something but she wasn't sure what it was. Something she had never felt before- or at least not that she could remember. But it was strong- like something reached inside her chest and was pulling at her heart. 

She instinctively moved her arm to touch Ali's face but was met with a sharp pain as she forgot it was broken. She winced and yelped into the kiss. Ali's eyes grew wide, she backed off and helped her lower the cast down to the bed. She looked at Ashlyn who was still fighting the pain and began to get upset again. 

"It's okay." Ashlyn grabbed Ali's hand with her good arm and laced their fingers together. "It just hurt, that's all. I'm okay." 

Ali just nodded and sat on the side of the bed next to her. "You're right. You're going to be okay." She brushed her thumb along Ashlyn's cheek and signed a shuddering breath. They fell into a comfortable silence. Ashlyn's eyes were trained on her for a while as Ali looked at their clasped hands, nervously running everything through her head. 

When Ali finally looked back at her, Ashlyn seemed like she was going to ask a question but quickly shifted her gaze away. She paused for a minute before speaking. "Am I..." Another pause. She wouldn't face Ali. "Am I a good girlfriend?" She asked hesitantly before finally meeting Ali's eyes. 

The way she asked it, the look of sincerity in her eyes broke Ali's heart. She began to tear up and Ashlyn just looked on. It took Ali a second to gain her words before speaking. "...The best." She said as she shook her head up and down, her lip quivering and eyes threatening to spill tears. 

Ashlyn could tell she meant it by the look in her eye. She started to tear up too but caught herself before it went any further. She felt the need to be strong for Ali- she looked so tired, so distraught. Ashlyn didn't want to see her cry anymore. "Don't cry, Ali." She held her hand tighter. 

Ali noticed that was the first time she said her name since she woke up. It felt like someone punched her in the stomach. She said something Ashlyn didn't quite understand.  _She mumbles a lot._   She asked Ali to repeat it. 

"Alex..." She said. "You always all me Alex, not Ali." Ali sounded sad when she reminded her. 

"Oh... Alex..." It sounded forced when Ashlyn said it now. There was a pause. "Do you think I can call you Ali until I get use to it?" She asked hesitantly. 

"Yea, sure. Whatever you want." She reassured. As long as she was alive- Ali didn't care what she called her but she would certainly miss hearing her say 'Alex'. She always liked how Ashlyn called her that- only her. 

... 

Ash's mom and Chris walked in a few minutes later- glad she was in a new room and looking much better already. 

They went over some more things the doctor suggested to try and envoke some memories and it seemed like some things were coming back slowly. The NWSL made sense now. She remembered the Spirit. She remembered Sweden. She remembered some pieces from the holidays. 

She still couldn't figure out Ali. 

...

 


	11. Chapter 11

Slowly things were coming back to Ashlyn. The doctors said she should be able to go home in a few days if everything kept going as planned. Ali hoped bringing her home would help her remember their life together. That part of the puzzle was still a mystery to Ashlyn.

"I thought for sure she'd remember by now." Whitney said sympathetically as Ali drove her to the airport. The Harris's left the day before and after this it would just be the two of them.

Ali had cut herself off from the outside world. Ashlyn urged her to go to practice but she refused. Everyone else knew better than to push the matter. A few of the National Team girls were coming to visit in a few days. Staying with Lori to give Ashlyn the space she needed to recover. Ali knew it would be good to see the girls. For both of them.

Ali walked through the halls of the hospital slowly. Everyone she passed said hello. They all knew her by now- they were happy to see her smiling instead of crying. An older man in the next room even developed a little crush on her.

"Your boyfriend was just looking for you." Ashlyn teased when Ali entered the room.

"Boyfriend, huh?" Ali laughed and put her bag down on the chair before pressing a kiss to Ashlyn's forehead. "Last I checked I didn't have a boyfriend." She narrowed her eyes and entertained Ashlyn's joke. "But I'm pretty sure I have a girlfriend... she's like... 5'9, _really_ nice eyes, and the cutest... nose... ever." She tilted her head back as she said the last part and smiled at the ceiling.  

Ashlyn blushed.  _I could get used to this._  But it still pained her to not be able to fully understand this portion of her life. Ali noticed the change in her eyes.

"You okay?" She moved closer and grabbed her hand softly. Concerned.

"Yea, I'm just tired." She lied. Not sure why she felt she had to. "I just want to go home and sleep in my own bed."

  
_Our bed, Ashlyn. It's both of our's._ Ali must have visably cringed at the statement because Ashlyn quickly recovered. "I mean... our bed." She said but it came out as more of a question.

Ali bit her tongue. She didn't want to say it but... "Maybe we should do what the doctor suggested- ease you back into normal routines. So... maybe it _is_ a good idea for me to sleep in the guest room until you feel comfortable." That was the last thing she wanted to say but she didn't want to pressure Ashlyn.

Ashlyn didn't know how she felt. Yes, sleeping next to someone she hardly knew could be weird but... it's Ali. She knows she loves this girl- she can feel it. She's just not sure of anything else.

Ashlyn hesitantly nodded her head up and down and Ali saw the worry in her face.

"We don't have to talk about it now." She reassured quickly. "Here. I got you something." She extended her hand with a rolled up bag in it. "There's a Five Guys in the airport. You've been craving a burger all week."

Ashlyn's eyes lit up. There's that child-like wonder Ali loved so much. She took the bag from Ali's hand but didn't break eye contact. "You're the best." She admitted as she smiled and dug into the bag for her food.

They sat together on the bed, Ali's feet dangling off the side, as Ashlyn ate the burger while Ali stole some of her fries.

"This is against hospital rules." Ashlyn joked as she took the last bite.

"I'm pretty sure I've broken them all already." Ali smiled.

"You know... you don't have to sleep here." Ashlyn reaffirmed what she had told her all week. She knew Ali wasn't sleeping well. Especially in that chair. Sometimes they would bring her an extra hospital bed if one was open. It weirded her out though- it felt wrong.

"I know." She stole another fry and flashed Ashlyn a smile when she tried to block her. "I like to live on the edge so... I'll take my chances." She joked.

"Alrighttttt, Ali." Ashlyn said as she crumpled the wrapper and threw it in the paper bag. Ali felt a pang of sadness when Ashlyn again called her 'Ali' instead of 'Alex'. She turned to the TV to hide the hurt in her eyes. "Want to hand me the remote?" Ashlyn asked.

Ali did so without facing her. Her eyes focused on the TV while her brain focused on not crying. Ashlyn flipped through the channels until she landed on the one she was searching for.

It had just started. Now and Then. Ali's all-time favorite movie and she immediately cheered up. "Oh my god. This is my fav-"

"Favorite." Ashlyn smiled when she interrupted. "I know." She admitted and Ali turned to her with soft eyes and a look of hope. It was a minor detail but it was huge to Ali and Ashlyn knew it too. It felt good to know some pieces, to remember some things. As long as it might take. She would get there.

Ali couldn't contain the smile that spread across her face. And Ashlyn knew she loved that smile. She could feel it.

Ashlyn slid closer to the side of the bed. Toward the side with the cast on her arm and freeing up the space next to her good arm. "Do you... want to come here?" She asked hesitantly, but still smiling.

Ali waited and then nodded 'yes' before slipping off her shoes and scooting closer. She settled her back against the upright bed and left the rest up to her girlfriend. She wanted Ashlyn to be comfortable but soon she felt an arm around her shoulders and she melted at that touch. Ali wanted to sink into her embrace but she held back.

Ashlyn sensed it. She could feel Ali's tension- she didn't know it was that bad until she felt it. "Come're, you." She persuaded and pulled Ali closer. Ali's head resting on her shoulder, hand rested on Ashlyn's collar bone. She sighed and Ashlyn felt her relax as they watched the beginning of the movie.

In a matter of minutes Ali was out. Dead asleep. And Ashlyn smiled as she thought to herself.  _I could hold this girl forever._  


_..._


	12. Chapter 12

When Ali woke up the movie was long over. Ashlyn had eventually fallen asleep also. It was getting late anyway so she nuzzled closer and settled in for the night. _This feels good. It feels normal._

The usual nurse wasn't on tonight- it was another nurse- a stickler for the rules. She normally worked days and knew Ali was always by Ashlyn's side. Ali hoped she would somehow forget Ashlyn's room when she came for her rounds. But she didn't.

She walked in the room ready to usher Ali out. She knew Ali would be there, she always was. But when she took one look at the two girls in the bed- she had a change of heart. How could she move either of them? They both looked so content as they slept. She even swore there was a smile on Ali's face.

The nurse could see how protective Ali was when it came to her girl. She had seen it all week. So she went against the rules and let her stay the night. _I'll let it go this one time_.

...

The doctors checked Ashlyn first thing in the morning and cleared her to leave the next AM. Ashlyn was more than excited, as was Ali. She just wanted to get her home.  


Ali knew the apartment was probably a mess. She was pretty sure she left all the lights on last time she ran out of the house.

She knew she was a mess too. She should probably shower but she couldn't bring herself to leave Ashlyn's side. She had only done so when she was forced to... and to drive Whit to the airport... and that one time Ashlyn woke up. _Yea, I should probably shower_.

"Go." Ashlyn broke through her thoughts. She could tell what Ali was thinking.

"Huh?" Ali mumbled.

"Go home for a little. Relax. Eat something other than hospital food. Sleep."

"Shower." Ali added.

"Well, I wasn't going to say it." Ashlyn teased and Ali smiled as she shook her head. "No, seriously though- take a break. I'll still be here when you get back. Bandages and all." She joked but they both knew she was making light of her situation.

The bandages, the cast, the sling, the stiches... they all sucked. But it could have been a thousand times worse.

"Can I ask a favor? Could you bring me some clothes when you come back?" Ashlyn asked. "I mean I love this hospital gown and all but it has to go." She said sarcastically.

"And that was last time I saw Ashlyn in a dress..." Ali joked. Ashlyn cracked a smile.

"Hopefully..." She chuckled. "Can you bring my gray sweatpants, a black t-shirt, and that black, long-sleeve you stole from me last month when you went to camp?" She smiled knowingly and Ali didn't catch it.

"I told you..." She smiled. "I didn't steal it I just mistakenly packed it." She laughed because they both knew full-well that she stole it. "And you even..." She paused and brought her eyes to meet Ashlyn's. Now she realized. "...Wait... you... you rememeber that?" She asked softly and Ashlyn slowly nodded her head.

"I remember." Ashlyn admitted. "I also remember Denver. And kissing you on the bench. And our first date. And I remember when we first..." She trailed off and smirked as she looked down shyly.

"Oh..." Ali bit her lip through a smile. "Yea, that was... yea." _The best ever._

"Yea." Ashlyn said knowingly and chuckled.

"Anything else?" Ali asked with hopeful tears in her eyes.

"Just little things from that time period. But that's something, right?" Ashlyn smiled.

Ali only nodded her head rapidly and moved closer to kiss her. "You're going to get there, Ash." She reassured her and kissed her again.

"I hope so... Now, go home, Ali. Toni and Jonesy are visiting at 1:00 so I won't be too bored.." There it was again, Ali, not Alex. And she tried to keep her hopes as high as they were a minute ago and pretend she didn't hear that.

...

She showered and ate a sandwich. Tried to take a nap but couldn't sleep. The bed felt huge, empty. She watched five minutes of TV but didn't pay attention. She washed the dishes and made the bed and fixed up the bathroom.

She started to pack Ashlyn's bag to bring back to the hospital. Gray sweats, black t-shirt, socks, underwear, and... _not_ the black long-sleeve she "stole". She was keeping that. Instead she grabbed one of her own long-sleeves and packed that as she smirked to herself.

...

She obeyed the speed limit this time on her way to the hospital. The valet parked her car and she smiled when she told him they would be leavng in the morning. She walked up to the desk to find the same nurse she had seen every day for over a week.

"I guess you know who I'm here to see by now?" Ali joked.

"I do. Can you hold on one second, honey?"

"Sure." Ali nodded yes but her smile faded. She began to worry as the woman called two of the other nurses over, nurses from Ashlyn's wing. She felt her stomach flip as they got closer.

"Hi sweetie." The one nurse smiled. _She's smiling. Okay. Calm down, Ali._

"Is everything okay?" Ali asked and the slight panic must have been apparent in her eyes.

"Oh my goodness, yes. I'm sorry. We didn't mean to worry you." She was sincerely apologetic for scaring Ali. "Everything is fine!" She reassured. "I just wanted to ask... we're ordering pizza for the nurses... I know it's Ashlyn's last night and we wanted to know if you girls would like some?"

"Oh my god!" Ali finally exhaled.

"I'm so sorry!"

"No, no, it's okay." She put her hand over her heart and calmed herself down. "Yea, that would be nice. Here. I think I have a twenty-" She reached into her purse for her wallet.

"Oh stop that." The other woman paused her. "All the nurses already chipped in. See you at 7:00." She smiled and walked back to the desk. Ali's heart was warmed and she thanked them before walking as fast as she could back to Ashlyn.

...

"Kriegs!" The girls hugged her when she came in and she then leaned in to press a kiss to Ashlyn's forehead. She put her overnight bag on the table for later.

"So... what did I miss?"

"Just our usual antics. We drank a handle of vodka. Went to a strip club. Got lap dances. And made it back in time to see you." Ashlyn joked and tried not to laugh.

"You see what I have to deal with?" Ali pointed and rolled her eyes. "Some things never change."

"I noticed. Like... all she talked about when you were gone was... you." Toni smiled.

Ashlyn gave Toni a pointed glare and raised her one hand to tell her to cut it out.

"Oh really?" Ali tried to hide her blush and leaned in for more info.

"Yep." Jonesy joined in. "Girl has a major crush on you."

"What the hell guys?" Ashlyn furrowed her brow.

Ali just laughed and her cheeks grew red. "I mean, I kind of figured." She played along.

"I hate you all." Ashlyn shook her head but she wasn't really mad.

"Oh, we're just messing with you." Toni playfully smacked her leg. The one on her good side. "But seriously, she was talking about you the whole time." Toni said quickly when she turned to Ali to give her a hug goodbye.

"Toni!"

"Love you!" She kissed Ashlyn on the cheek and held her hand for a second. "Do everything Dr. Krieger says, okay?" She joked and Ashlyn just laughed and shook her head.

"Love you, kid." Jonesy kissed her cheek too and then hugged Ali on the way to the door.

Ali walked them to the front desk anyway. They hugged again and Toni held on a little longer. "She may not remember every detail but she loves you the same, Ali. I still see it."

"I know." She held back tears and gave her one final squeeze before turning to head to the room.

...

There was Ashlyn, patiently waiting for Ali to return. She had that smile on her face when Ali came back in the room. The smile she couldn't contain for the life of her.

"What?" Ali asked. She felt like she was being observed.

"Nothing." Ashlyn said plainly but still with the smile.

"Ashlyn..."

"Nothing. Just... I missed you." She admitted softly. "When you were gone before. Even though my friends were here. I still missed you." She continued. "It was only a couple hours but I felt it. Do I always miss you that much?" She finished shyly.

"I don't know." Ali blushed against her will. "If you do- you haven't told me." She smiled and her nose crinkled. Ashlyn felt her heart flutter before Ali continued. "Hey, guess what we're having for dinner... Pizza!" She gave her an exaggerated high-five and cheered while Ashlyn laughed at her.

"You're seven." Ashlyn chuckled as she admired Ali's celebration.

"You love it." Ali winked.

...


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a couple more chapters left of this one

The nurses said their goodbyes during their shifts and some stopped for a few minutes with their pizza. One said she would be back in a few to give them all the info and to teach Ali how to change the bandages, etc. Ali didn't care what she had to do. She would do any of it if it meant bringing Ashlyn home.

...

"Here is the paperwork. A list of things she _cannot_ do and for how long." Ashlyn grunted. "Which is very important due to the stitches. She needs to heal." Ali nodded that she understood and raised an eyebrow to Ashlyn.

"She will need to sleep on her back. She will need her bandages changed twice a day. She will probably still need help walking for a fews days."

Ali took her hand. She knew this wasn't going to be easy for her but she knew she would be healed in no time.

"So when you help her... you come to this side." She walked to Ashlyn's good side. "Let her put her arm around your shoulders. Wrap your arm under her arms. And lift." She did it and Ashlyn winced. Like she did every time. "You can't have your arm too low or you'll bother those stiches or the broken ribs. Then just let her lean on you while she walks. Okay?"

She lowered Ashlyn down and Ali's heart broke when Ashlyn's lip quivered and she inhaled sharply. She knew the nurse was gentle and she knew it was going to hurt either way and this was the safest... but it still killed Ali to witness her love in pain. All she wanted to do was push the nurse out of the way and gather Ashlyn in her arms and tell her she was okay.

"Okay. Give it a try." The nurse urged and Ali was hesitant. She didn't want to hurt her. "Come on, hun. You'd like to be sure you're doing it right, wouldn't you?"

Ali nodded and moved closer. Ashlyn gave her a forced smile.

"1. 2. 3!" Ali lifted and Ashlyn winced again. She even made a slight yelping noise but tried to hide it so Ali wouldn't feel bad. She did though.

"Good." The nurse nodded to them. Ashlyn slowly swung her feet off the side of the bed and Ali supported her as she strugged to get up.

She finally made it to her feet and stood next to Ali who made sure to keep her arm high enough to avoid hurting her.

"And to help her back down- the same- just the opposite." The nurse pointed out and gathered her things. "That's it really. Any questions- call us at this number. And we're all set. Feel better, hun." She said as she hurried out of the room to leave them alone.

Ali suddenly was aware of how she was holding Ashlyn. It was the closest contact they had since the accident. It felt good. Like home. She just wanted to hug her. She buried her head in Ashlyn's neck and made sure not to hug too tight. Ashlyn breathed her in and held her close with her good arm.

"Oh my god." Ali exhaled softly. "I missed this." She breathed into Ashlyn. She hugged tighter when Ashlyn kissed the top of her head but quickly remembered she shouldn't and loosened her grip, still not letting go. "I don't want to let go of you." She whispered sadly.

"You don't have to." Ashlyn grabbed onto her a little tighter.

And they just stood there like that. Holding each other. For a while. 

...

Later, when Ashlyn was settled into bed for the last night, Ali pulled up her usual chair to the side. Ashlyn gave her a look.

"What?" Ali asked softly.

"You know what. Get up here." She commanded with a smile.

Ali climbed onto the bed but didn't go right to Ashlyn. "I don't want to rush you. If you're still not comfortable or you still don't remember things or whatever." She rambled.

"You're not pressuring me, Ali." Ashlyn laughed. "I remember you, us. Just not all of it. We'll get there." She continued and Ali was thankful to hear the words 'we' and 'us' again. "Now come here before I call the nurse and have her bring you to me." She joked and held out her hand which Ali took.

...

"What story do you want me to tell you tonight?" Ali asked. She told a few stories every night to help jog Ashlyn's memory. Or, at least, in hopes to do so. "The first time you met my family? Or our first vacation together? Or the night we got lost in Sweden b/c you gave me the wrong directions?" She asked.

" _You_ gave _me_ the wrong directions!" Ashlyn protested.

Ali couldn't help but smile. "You remember that!" And Ashlyn didn't realize it until then- she thought back.

"Yea, I remember... you said 'I totally know where we're going, make a left' and it was 100% wrong." She did an accurate impression of Ali who was now smiling guiltily.

"Whoops!" She laughed. "Whatever, it was fun."

Ashlyn laughed too as she thought about it. "It was." She admitted.

...

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, looking at the TV. "I thought maybe tonight I could tell you a story instead." Ashlyn slowly turned to her.

"Okay." Ali smiled and turned to her.

"That camp where we met..." Ali's eyes darted to meet hers. "I'll admit I _might have_ pretended HAO ditched me. But I'm not sorry for lying because I got to hang out with you, and only you. And I knew that night, I knew all the way back then, that you were different." She continued and Ali felt tears in her eyes. Tears of happiness for once.

"You remember all that?" Ali sniffled.

"I can't believe I ever forgot it." Ashlyn smiled. "And I remember I didn't make a move because I was nervous. I'm never nervous around girls, ever, but you make me feel things I've never felt before. Things I didn't think existed. So I wimped out and I regretted it every day since then until I finally kissed you in Denver. On a park bench. During the sunset. Because I am a romantic- but only for Ali Krieger."

Ali was so overwhelmed with emotion she couldn't think of anything other than to kiss Ashlyn. It was a deep passionate kiss and Ali never wanted to pull back. 

"I love you, Ali. Just stick with me. It'll all come back." Ashlyn whispered and kissed her again.

...


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> probably only a couple more chapters- you guys still liking it?

Ashlyn woke up first and nudged Ali awake.

"I get to go home today!" She whispered excitedly.

"Go back to sleep." Ali groaned but Ashlyn could feel she was smiling.

...

The nurses came in a while later to get Ashlyn cleaned up and ready to go. Ashlyn still needed help to get in the shower. She wasn't happy about that.

She scrunched up her face when they helped her up and turned to Ali. "Undergarments, please." She said in a horrible English accent while extending her hand. Ali laughed at the word and the accent as she rifled through the bag she brought with her.

"Here." She handed them over and Ashlyn reluctantly walked out of the room with the assistance of the two nurses. If she could turn her head she would have looked back to Ali with an annoyed grin.

...

She came back. Hair wrapped in a towel. New hospital gown. And her slippers. 'Grandpa slippers' Ali called them because they were dark green, suade men's slippers. But they looked adorable right now.

The nurses put her sling back on and left to get the discharge paperwork and pain killer prescription.

When they came back- she was free to go. But first, in true Ashlyn fashion, she wanted to get changed.

...

"Okay, come here." Ashlyn sat on the bed with her legs dangling off the side. Ali leaned her forward, into her chest, as she untied the back of the gown. Ashlyn sat back when she felt the ties fall on her skin.

Ali carefully pulled it down, exposing her sports bra and soft, bare skin. And on the left side- hundreds of stiches lacing her wounds. She took a moment to breathe.

"You okay?" Ashlyn asked.

"Yea." She said softly. "Does it hurt?" Her hand hovered over the soon-to-be scars on the side of her ribcage and her arm, right above the sling and cast.

"Yes." She admitted. "But it will get better." She reassured and tried to make light of the situation... "I'm not going to be as cute though." She warned.

But Ali wasn't having any of it. "You're the cutest." She whispered and leaned in to kiss her softly.

Ashlyn tugged her in with her right arm and let Ali lean into her. She let Ali bury her face in her neck as she pulled her between her legs and hooked her ankles around Ali to keep her close.

"It's okay, Al." She kissed the top of her head. "Everything is going to be okay."

...

After a long embrace, Ashlyn decided it was time to get going. She wanted nothing more than to be home- hopefully being there would help her memory.

She knew how to move Ali along and make her laugh at the same time. "I hope no one walks in right now- could be awkward." She smiled.

"I don't care." Ali mumbled into Ashlyn's neck.

"Me either. Except... I'm not wearing pants." She points out and she feels Ali laugh into her.

"Okay. I get it." Ali concedes and pulls back reluctantly. "You want to go home." She laughs, easily catching onto Ashlyn's scheme.

...

Ali helped her into her sweats and pulled the t-shirt over her head and down her torso. She smoothed the fabric over her chest and abs, letting her fingers linger for a second. "See, can't even tell." Ashlyn looked down at herself, purposely avoiding the electricity that just shot through her body.

"True." Ali said as she twisted the front pieces of Ashlyn's hair and pulled it back for her. "Do you remember when I taught you how to do this?" She said as she worked.

Ashlyn nodded up and down and caught Ali's smile. "Frankfurt." She replied. "The day you told me you loved me." Ashlyn smiled now too.

" **Love** you." Ali corrected as she pulled the long-sleeve from the bag. Remembering only then that she switched it on Ashlyn. "Here." She handed it over, clenching her teeth to hold back a smile.

Ashlyn picked it up by the hem to let it unfold before looking to Ali with an amused glare.

"Really?" She asked, trying not to give in to laughter. "Did _you_ hit your head?" She gave Ali a pointed look. "You must have forgotten that I'm a Tar Heel and would never, I repeat nev-er, wear a PSU shirt."

"It's chilly out. It was all I could find." She smiled as she lied about it.

"I'd rather freeze." Ashlyn said and playfully tossed it at Ali.

Ali simply rolled up the hem and held it out for Ashlyn to put on. Ashlyn shook her head side to side and Ali moved in closer and whispered in her ear. "Put that on before I call the nurse and have her do it for you." 

Ashlyn's jaw dropped as Ali gave her a taste of her own medicine- stealing her threat from the night before.

"You're not nice." Ashlyn scrunched her face in displeasure and turned the shirt inside out before allowing Ali to put it on her.

Ali stepped back and took it in. "You look good. Real good." She nodded up and down but she wasn't teasing. Ashlyn kept the displeased grin on her face. "You do."

...

They made Ashlyn take a wheelchair to the car even though she battled the decision. She could walk- just needed a little help due to the pain. But Ali convinced her it was only a short distance and it was the safest thing to do.

Ashlyn sat in the wheelchair reluctantly. Not happy about it but happy to be going home.

She perked up a few minutes later. "Can we stop to get coffee on the way?" She asked eagerly and with the cutest smile on her face. Ali could never deny that smile anything.

"Sure!" She smiled back at her girl.

"Cool." Ashlyn cracked a wise grin before continuing. "I sure hope I don't _mistakenly_ spill anything on this lovely shirt." She said sarcastically, slyly.

Ali's jaw dropped as she turned to her. "You wouldn't."

"Or would I?" Ashlyn challenged and raised a mischievous eyebrow.

...


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update time- this and two another stories today and hopefully an update on yet another tomorrow . Enjoy.
> 
> (Just one or two chapters left on this one.)

It was rough right off the bat- adjusting to real life again. Especially without the use of the entire left side of her body and with the addition of excruciating pain. Ashlyn needed help with almost everything and she hated it.

But Ali was more than happy to help her. She followed Ashlyn around like a puppy. She wanted to be right there when she was needed. She made sure everything was okay.

"I can open the cereal myself." Ashlyn pointed out.

"I know. Sorry." Ali smiled but poured her a bowl anyway. She got her a spoon and the milk too- that part made sense since walking was a chore.

...

The first night was weird. Ali insisted on following the doctor's suggestion of sleeping separately until Ashlyn fully understood it all. Ali didn't want to do this- but she did anyway. She kept both bedroom doors open so she could hear if Ashlyn needed anything.

Ashlyn wasn't sure how she felt about it.

Yes, sleeping with someone you hardly know wasn't of the norm but she didn't care about that. She knows Ali- she's still just piecing it together. She didn't see why they had to do this but she also didn't argue.

Ashlyn hardly slept all night. Something was missing. The bed felt big and empty and she blamed it on the fact it was double the size of the hospital bed she had grown accustomed to.

...

Ash woke the next morning when Ali came in to check on her.

"Sorry, just seeing if you needed help getting up." She whispered and slowly backed out of the room. "Didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay. I'm up." She lied to keep her from leaving. She wanted to ask Ali to come lay with her but she didn't know if she should. So instead she pulled herself up to a sitting position and moved to get up.

"No..." Ali warned and walked over to help her.

She hoisted Ashlyn up and tried to block out the wincing noise she made. It made her upset every time.

"Ow!" Ashlyn grasped for Ali's shoulder quickly- grabbing a handful of her hoodie to prevent from falling. She held tight and collapsed into her- completely helpless to the pain. "Ow!" She whimpered and buried her face in Ali's neck to hide the pain in her eyes. Tears threatening to spill at any second.

She was fully dependent on Ali.

"I'm so sorry!" Ali cried and moved to lower Ashlyn to the bed.

"Don't!" Ashlyn yelped. "You'll just have to pick me up again anyway." And Ali pulled her close again nervously. Ashlyn could sense Ali's apprehension. "Its okay. Its just worse in the mornings. You didn't do anything wrong." She reassured her, still not letting go of her shirt. Still holding on for dear life.

"Okay." Ali said softly. She trembled with fear of hurting her again. Ashlyn could sense another 'I'm sorry' coming so she cut her off.

"Can you help me to the bathroom?"

...

When Ashlyn was done, Ali came back in and helped her onto the counter so they could change the bandages.

"Only two more days for this one." She unraveled the one on Ashlyn's forehead. "It looks so much better." She sincerely assured when the wound was exposed.

...

She helped Ashlyn pull off her shirt and put it on the counter before unraveling the next one. The side wound still shocked her every time. She looked up and Ashlyn was staring down at it.

"My tattoos are going to be messed up, aren't they?" Ashlyn sighed.

"We'll see how it heals and if we need to we'll get them touched up." Ali always spoke as if what was hers was Ashlyn's and what was Ashlyn's was hers. Ashlyn was that deeply ingrained in her heart.

Ali kept a hand on Ashlyn's thigh as she reached for the gauze, bandages and tape. When she turned back she thought of something.

"Do you want to take a shower?" She asked.

Ashlyn thought about it and decided against it.

"I'll take one tomorrow. I just had one at the hospital and taking a shower is a pain."

"I can help you." Ali said and didn't realize what it sounded like until she heard Ashlyn giggle. "Oh... not like that! I meant- I-" But she was interrupted by Ashlyn's laughter.

"Its okay!" She chuckled.

Ali blushed and laughed at herself. That laugh triggered something in Ashlyn's brain- she just wasn't sure what but she knew she wanted Ali closer.

"Come here." She pulled Ali by her shoulder to stand between her legs. "I appreciate the offer." She kissed her cheek. "But I knew this whole thing was a ploy to get my clothes off." She playfully whispered.

"Whatever." Ali scoffed and blushed some more and resumed bandaging her.

...

Ali helped her around the apartment all day and assisted with everything she tried to do- to the point Ashlyn was starting to get annoyed. Not with Ali so much as with herself for not being able to do things on her own.

Ali sat close, always on her left side so she could help with everything. She even scrolled the iPad for her once which received a glare from Ashlyn... but Ali hadn't noticed the glare or the fact she was baby-ing her.

...

"Al..." Ashlyn said but Ali continued to pull things out of the fridge for her so she could make her a sandwich. "Ali..." Ashlyn was leaning on the open refrigerator door for support. "Ali, I can do it myself!" She said a little louder than intended.

Ali froze and Ashlyn immediately regretted letting her frustrations getting the best of her when she saw Ali's shoulders drop.

"I- dammit. I didn't mean it to come out that way." She tried to fix it and reached for Ali's shoulder to comfort her but letting go of the door only made her lose balance and she began to fall. Thankfully, before she could tip very far, Ali caught her, dropping a jelly jar on the ground and shattering it in the process.

Ali pulled her to stand again and leaned her against the counter so she could be on her own. "I'm sorry. I was smothering you." She immediately apologized.

"No, you're just trying to help. I'm not mad at you. I'm just... mad." She admitted- getting a little upset- but she bit back the tears so Ali wouldn't notice. "This sucks. I just... I need to do some things on my own." She said softly.

"I'm sorry. I just want to help you and be near you and hold you because..." Her lip quivered and tears started running down her face. Ashlyn's eyes went wide with guilt. "...because I'm scared. I thought I lost you and I'm scared."

Ashlyn swallowed hard and brought Ali in for a crushing hug. She winced when her collar bone sent a bolt of pain through her body but she held Ali even tighter.

"I thought I was going to lose you!" Ali sobbed into her chest.

"I'm right here." Ashlyn whispered and rubbed her back, tears brimming in her eyes. "You didn't lose me. I'm okay and I'm right here." She tried to soothe her.

"Its my fault." Ali cried even harder.

"No. Don't say that, Ali." And she felt Ali shake her head at the mention of her name. She pressed on. "Its not your fault. Its okay, baby." She surprised herself with that one. Calling her 'baby' just came naturally.

...

Ashlyn eventually calmed her down.

Ali pulled back and wiped her eyes. Ashlyn took Ali's hand in her own and pulled it away to rest on the counter. She brought her good hand back to Ali's chin and tipped it up, willing Ali to look her in the eye.

Ashlyn wiped a tear from her cheek and pulled closer until they were inches apart. Ali froze with anticipation as Ashlyn leaned in slowly, cautiously, but with certain intention, and kissed her.

The second their lips met- something clicked. It felt right. Ashlyn deepened the kiss and pulled Ali closer.

They were at it for a few minutes- slowly, passionately making out. Ali smiled into the kiss and Ashlyn did the same, nudging Ali a little to persuade her to continue. Ali did and moved in closer.

They finally broke apart.

"You kiss the same." Ali giggled a little. Giddy from Ashlyn's first time initiating a kiss since the accident.

"I'm still the same." Ashlyn shrugged. 

Ali paused and thought about something. "What if _we're_ never the same?" She asked, worry evident in her voice.

"We will be, Al."

"But just... what if...?" She pushed the subject.

Ashlyn took a deep breath and pulled closer to whisper in her ear. "Then we'll start over." She said as she pulled back to smile at Ali and lean in for another kiss.

...


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating "Flashback" next so hang in there!

Ashlyn hesitated slightly when Ali slipped a hand under her shirt. Ali noticed and retracted immediately, stumbling for an apology.

"I'm sorry. It's too soon." She said and backed off a bit. "I'm pressuring you."

"You're not pressuring me." Ashlyn laughed. "And stop apologizing."

"I'm sor- oh... right." Ali caught herself, feeling a little embarrased for pushing Ashlyn but Ashlyn didn't care. She stepped forward and caught Ali's lips with her own.

"Can we just stick to this for now?" Ashlyn asked innocently, her lips still against Ali.

Ali nodded 'yes'. "You let me know when you're ready." She agreed.

"Trust me..." Ashlyn smiled. "You'll know."

...

The next day, a few of the girls came to visit. They weren't sure who they felt worse for- Ali or Ashlyn. They were both having a hard time. They both looked exhausted.

"Pinoe!" Ashlyn's eyes lit up when she saw her friend. "Kell!" And again. "Tobs!" And yet again.

Ali made a mental note every time Ashlyn remembered someone without an issue. Everyone but her. She was increasingly afraid Ashlyn repressed her memory because of how angry she was with Ali at the time of the accident. Ali was afraid this would affect the future of their relationship. She couldn't help but worry about it no matter what anyone said.

Everyone hugged her as she sat at the kitchen counter. It was easier to manuever from a higher seat so it was her new spot. When she watched TV last night she sat up there, not in her usual spot with Ali on the couch. And Ali sat in the chair next to her, uncomfortable as it was- she couldn't bear to be across the room from her.

"Thanks for visiting, guys!" Ashlyn beamed. She hadn't smiled like that in a long time. "Sorry I'm not very fun right now."

"You're always fun!" Tobin smiled.

Kelley came over and hugged Ashlyn again. "We're just glad you're okay, Ash. That was really scary." Kelley pulled back to look at her. "I love you. Don't do that ever again." She got a little choked up and hugged her tighter.

"I love you too, Kell. I won't."

...

"You really don't remember her?" Pinoe asked when it was just her, Lori and Ashlyn. Tobin and Kelley went with Ali to pick up dinner.

"Not entirely, no. But its coming back in pieces." Ashlyn tried to make it sound brighter.

"Aw. Poor Ali." Pinoe said as she looked down.

"Yea... poor Ali." Ashlyn said with a bitter tone. Looking down at the left side of her body- entirely bandaged and broken.

Lori elbowed her best friend and Pinoe realized how it came across. "I didn't mean- like- okay, that came out wrong!"

"No, you're right." Ashlyn started, still looking down at herself. Fighting the tears brimming in her eyes.

"Ash, hey... oh Ash..." Pinoe's lip quivered and she fought the urge to cry as Ashlyn's tears began to fall. "Don't cry. Please don't cry."

"Its so fucked up!" She cried out. "I have this beautfiul girl and I keep pushing her away because I can't handle not knowing what our relationship is and what our past is about. It's like I don't know her and I can see the pain in her eyes everytime she's reminded of that and it kills me." At this point all three of them were crying. "I don't want to hurt her. I'm so in love with her and I'm scared for us." She couldn't go on, she was crying too hard.

Pinoe and Lori wrapped her up in a hug.

The girls walked in right then and paused when they saw all three of them sobbing, hugging each other. Tobin grabbed the bag from Ali's hand before she could drop it.

Ali jogged over to where they were, alarmed since she hadn't seen Ashlyn cry at all during this whole ordeal. 

"Ash." Her voice broke Ashlyn out of her lowest point. Ashlyn's hand came to her hip and pulled her closer. Ali automatically went into protection mode when she realized her girl needed her. "Move." She pushed Pinoe and Lori out of the way lightly and brought Ashlyn into her arms. "Baby, what is it?" She whispered to her girlfriend as she held her close.

Lori motioned for the girls to go outside and give them a moment.

"What is it, Ash?" Ali was pleading for an answer.

"I love you, I'm sorry." Ashlyn apologized into Ali's chest as she held on.

Ali leaned back and gently tipped Ashlyn's head up by her chin. "Look at me... don't you dare apologize." She softly wiped the tears from Ashlyn's face with her thumbs. "I love you. We will get through this. Together. Okay?"

Ashlyn nodded up-and-down and sniffled.

"Do you want to talk about what made you upset?" Ali asked. She knew Ashlyn didn't like crying in front of people so Ali knew it was something very important to her.

Ashlyn shook her head side-to-side. Always the stubborn one.

"Okay. Maybe later?"

"Yea." Ashlyn said quietly and buried her forehead into Ali. A couple minutes went by and Ali felt her breathing even out as she calmed down. "What's for dinner?" Ashlyn mumbled from inside the hug.

Ali couldn't help but smile and kiss the top of her head. _She's so cute._ "We got Indian. From that new place everyone's in love with."

"Mmmm." Ashlyn hummed.

"I thought so." Ali agreed and sat her back.

The girls walked in as Ashlyn was wiping her tears. "Jeeze, Ali. Stop crying! We have guests!" She teased and Ali rolled her eyes at her. Ashlyn smiled at them shyly. "Sorry guys. It all hit me at once. I'm done. I swear."

"Don't be sorry." Pinoe hugged her and Ali in one and kissed the top of Ashlyn's head.

The rest of them joined in for a group hug.

...

After dinner they hung out for a little but called it a night early. The girls wanted to give them some space especially since Ashlyn was in a lot of pain. Ali had to change her bandages in a minute anyway so it was fine.

And they still had tomorrow.

"Goodnight!" Kelley was the last out the door. She kissed them both on the cheek and hugged them tight. "See you guys tomorrow." She pulled the door closed behind her.

"Bandages?" Ali asked and she knew Ashlyn wasn't thrilled about it.

"I don't really have a choice." She shrugged. "Maybe we can watch a movie after...?" She suggested and Ali loved the idea.

...

"I normally sit here, right? And you sit here and we'd cuddle, right?"

"Yea..." Ali said softly. "But we can't with your stitches." She let Ashlyn stand on her own.

"I know." Ashlyn sounded defeated. She just wanted everything to be back to normal for Ali. She wanted to remember it all and give Ali her best self.

"Come here." Ali sat in Ashlyn's spot and pulled her gently across her lap, Ashlyn's good side leaning into Ali's chest.

"You might have to be big spoon for a few weeks." Ashlyn pointed out and Ali smiled.

"That's fine with me." She pulled Ashlyn closer, cuddling her up while making sure not to hurt her. She felt like she couldn't pull close enough, she couldn't get enough of her.

Eventually Ali settled and Ashlyn snuggled up under her chin, resting her head on Ali's shoulder. It absolutely melted Ali's heart and she exhaled a breath of comfort.

...

Ashlyn was out in a matter of minutes. Ali knew by her breathing pattern and the trailing of her hand down Ali's arm. She couldn't bear to wake her- Ashlyn hadn't slept much the past few days. Ali would hold her like this the rest of her life if she could. She smiled and kissed the top of Ashlyn's head as she turned to watch the rest of the movie.

...

When Ali reached for the remote to turn off the TV Ashlyn started to stir. _Shit._ Ali wanted to hold her tonight- even if it meant sleeping on the couch.

"What time is it?" Ashlyn rubbed her eyes but hardly moved.

"Eleven." Ali guessed. "Go back to sleep."

"Have to sleep on my back." Ashlyn mumbled but started to drift off anyway.

But once she reminded Ali of it Ali couldn't let her sleep the wrong way. They had to do everything right so her recovery would go smoothly.

"No, you're right. Let's get up." She sat up and Ashlyn moved with her- she didn't let go of Ali. It was adorable.

...

Ali helped her to the bathroom so she could brush her teeth and when Ashlyn was done Ali helped her to the bed. She laid Ashlyn on her back and waited for her to get comfortable before kissing her forehead. "Goodnight." She said as she started to walk out of the room.

Ashlyn wanted her to stay. She actually thought she was going to. But she didn't.

...

Ashlyn laid alone in their bed. Unable to sleep. Partially due to the pain, partially due to the emptiness of the bed, but mostly because she could hear Ali sobbing in the other room. She couldn't take it. This was the last thing she ever wanted.

"Al!" She called loud enough for Ali to hear but not enough to alarm her. "Ali!" She called again.

"Hey." Ali said softly as she walked in the room. Her voice grumbly from crying but she tried to hide it. "What's wrong?" She flicked the light on.

"I can't sleep." Ashlyn stated.

"Do you need more pain meds? Or here... let's prop you up a little better."

"No." Ashlyn stopped her. "I can't sleep without _you_." She looked Ali in the eyes- they were red from crying. Her cheeks still balmy with tears- even though she wiped them with her sleeve.

"Ash, what if I hurt you and..."

Ashlyn simply lifted up the blanket and reached for Ali's t-shirt- pulling her onto the bed and into her good side. She let the blanket fall over them and pulled Ali up closer.. Ashlyn was still flat on her back with Ali on her side- head leaning on her shoulder, palm resting on her stomach, and one leg draped over Ashlyn's right leg.

"Not our usual postion but it will work." Ashlyn pulled the blanket up to Ali's chin. "Go to sleep, baby. I have you." She coaxed and felt Ali finally relax. She gave in.

Ali breathed her in and nuzzled closer.

They both slept better that night than they had any night since the accident.

...


	17. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning- there is mention some blood and a description of an accident in this chapter- in case you're not into that. Thought I'd let you know.
> 
> This is the end... Feedback appreciated!

"Ali." Ashlyn said quietly but Ali didn't stir. "Aliiiii." She said again. A little louder this time.

"Mmmyea?" Ali said groggily as she tucked herself closer. She hadn't moved once during the night.

"I need to use the bathroom." Ashlyn said softly.

"You're the one who said you're okay to walk alone now." Ali pointed out cleverly.

"I am." Ashlyn confirmed.

"Then why do you need me, baby?" Ali said innocently as she cuddled even closer.

"I don't... But I do need you to get up so I can move." Ashlyn smiled as she looked down at the girl laying on her chest.

"Oh..." Ali froze for a second before she got up. Not really noticing she was sleeping **on** her girlfriend. "Sorry." She said sheepishly and rolled out of the way.

Ashlyn grinned at her. "Its fine." She said as she kissed Ali's cheek before getting up.

Ashlyn got herself to the bathroom and shut the door.

Only then did Ali sprawl out on the bed in a stretch as she smiled and curled back into the pillows. It felt like home again.

...

Ashlyn crawled back into bed a few minutes later and laid on her back. Ali was already asleep and Ashlyn soon fell back asleep as well.

They were awoken by the phone some time later. Ali answered and it was the police department calling on behalf of the auto shop that had Ashlyn's car. Ali put off going to get their things from Ashlyn's car like she put off a lot of things these past few days. She didn't know if Ashlyn could handle it.

Unfortunately, now they had no choice. Ashlyn would need to sign the car over anyway so they could take it away.

"It'll be okay." Ashlyn assured her.

Tomorrow was the latest they could go. 

...

"Not going to lie... you look cute with a sling." Ali watched as Ashlyn slipped it back on after her shower- something she insisted she do on her own.

Ashlyn gave her a glare.

"Its true." Ali justified. "Like after your shoulder surgery- SO cute." She smiled wide.

Ashlyn blushed and looked down shyly. "Thanks, I guess." She said quietly.

Ali liked being able to make her blush. It was rare because it was usually the other way around (and Ashlyn was a little cocky sometimes). 

The doorbell snapped them both out of their moment of switched roles. Ashlyn raised an eyebrow. Neither of them was expecting anyone.

"I'll get it. You get some clothes on, girl." Ashlyn said as Ali was only wearing jeans and a sports bra.

...

"Hey guys!" Ashlyn exclaimed when their friends were at the door smiling.

"Hey Ash." Kelley hugged her first. "Surprise. We're here to take you guys to breakfast."

...

Ashlyn kept stealing forkfuls of Ali's food when she was telling stories.

Which only meant Ali would steal some of Ashlyn's food to make it even and it went back-and-forth for a while. It was cute- like their old selves.

"Get a room." Pinoe teased at one point when Ashlyn kissed Ali.

Ashlyn scowled at her playfully.

"We should send a picture to the girls." She suggested.

"Here, Ash." Pinoe handed Ashlyn her phone and they all gathered around.

Ashlyn nudged Ali with her elbow but made sure no one else noticed.

She then proceeded to stare at the blank screen with confusion. She turned it over and searched for a way to turn it on. She pressed the volume buttons and tapped the dark screen. They all stopped fooling around and froze.

Ashlyn successfully convinced them she didn't know how to use the phone. They all believed it was part of the memory loss issue.

"Oh... Ash." Ali played along and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Its okay, honey." She reassured.

And right when everyone's faces dropped, Ashlyn took the picture.

"Oh, I got you guys good." It was the funniest picture Ashlyn had ever seen. Ali pretending to console her. Pinoe, Lori, Tobin and Kelley all looking like sad puppies. And herself with a huge smile.

She was laughing so hard and when Ali saw the picture she joined in.

"Well that was a mean joke." Kelley smacked Ali's arm and eventually they all joined in the laughter.

...

They walked around town afterward and checked out a bunch of shops. Ashlyn pulled Lori to the side when she got the chance.

"Thanks for taking care of her, Lor." She wrapped an arm around Lori's shoulders and hugged her tight. "She told me you stayed with her. You're a great friend- I love you." She hugged tighter.

"I love you too. Don't mention it. You would do the same for me." She rested her head on Ash's shoulder.

"I would." Ashlyn responded. "But let's hope I never have to."

...

Ali took her own car so they could stop to get Ashlyn's things on the way home. They planned to meet at Lori's apartment right after but Lori suggested they call when they were done instead. She was the only one who knew just how bad it was.

...

The guy at the front desk to the shop told them to go around to the back- the gate was open.

Ashlyn could tell how nervous Ali was about this. She laced their fingers together and brought her closer as they walked.

"Everything is going to be fine. I'm here. I'm okay. Its only a car."

"I know." Ali said and relaxed a little. 

...

They walked past the gate and looked around, trying to find the Jeep but neither of them saw it. They looked at each other puzzled and broke apart to search opposite sides.

Ali found nothing.

"Not over here, Ash." She said as she examined the line of totalled cars. "Ash...?" She said when she heard no response and looked over her shoulder. She slowly turned around when she saw Ashlyn blankly staring in the opposite direction.

She walked over cautiously and froze when she saw what Ashlyn was looking at.

"Whoa." She exhaled as she saw the car. _Totaled is an understatement._

Ashlyn said nothing.

Ali moved closer and gently rested her hand on the small of Ashlyn's back.

Ashlyn didn't move. Her eyes remained in a full-on dead-lock, like she was processing, and Ali silently waited it out.

...

"It doesn't even look like a Jeep." Ashlyn said quietly after a period of silence.

"No. It doesn't." Ali agreed. Not sure what to say at this moment.

Ashlyn took a hesitant step forward and then slowly walked toward the car, Ali trailing cautiously behind her.

The driver-side door was completely missing, as was most of the front fender and the actual front of the car. The entire car was torn apart. The roof was bent back where they had to cut to get Ashlyn out.

There was glass all over the interior. Every single window shattered. Even the rear windshield. The driver seat and steering wheel were pushed to the center of the car.

Neither of them could process how someone sitting in that driver's seat survived. But neither of them said anything about it.

Ashlyn just wanted to get her stuff and leave. She quickly approached the passenger side of the car as Ali was still processing and tried to open the door. It wouldn't budge.

Ali just continued to stare at the car.

Ashlyn tried the door again... and again and eventually gave up with a frustrated sigh. It snapped Ali out of her gaze.

She walked over to Ashlyn and tried the door herself. Nothing.

"I think we need to go in the driver's side." She admitted, knowing neither of them wanted to do so. "But first, the trunk." She walked around back and was able to open that after a couple tries.

The interior was mostly smashed which made a tedious task of getting Ashlyn's things out. Ashlyn was okay with it all. They were only "things". She was alive and that was all that mattered. But that didn't mean she wasn't sad when she pulled out her longboard and it was completely cracked.

Ali looked on and watched as her facial expression changed. "I'll get you a new one." She said softly. She was barely keeping it together.

"I loved _this_ one." Ashlyn reasoned and put it to the side. That stung Ali even more.

"I know." Ali pulled closer and kissed her shoulder. "I'm sorry." She apologized again.

Ashlyn knew now why she was apologizing so much but she didn't say a word.

...

They moved to the front to get things out of the glove compartment, which was now on the floor, and the interior.

"Maybe I should do this part." Ashlyn put herself between the car and Ali. She could see she was having a hard time.

"I'm okay, Ash. I want to help." She assured.

"Alright." Ashlyn allowed it and moved toward the car.

She knew now why all of this happened.

...

Ashlyn could hardly lean into the car without hurting herself but kept trying it anyway. Until Ali stepped in. She didn't want her girlfriend getting hurt anymore than she already had.

"Ashlyn." She walked up to her and wrapped an arm around her waist. "I know you don't want to- but I think you're going to have to let me do this part." She said softly and pulled a nearly helpless Ashlyn back from the car.

"Maybe we can have someone else help us..." Ashlyn suggested softly. Not wanting Ali anywhere near that driver seat.

"It's fine." Ali said but she wasn't sure of that. She turned to walk toward the car.

Ashlyn tried to stop her.

"We should ask someone. There's a lot of-" She saw Ali's step stutter as she took a gasping breath. _Too late._ "...blood." Ashlyn finished.

Ali could feel her lip quivering, tears swelling in her eyes and a lump in her throat.

"Al...?" Ashlyn asked after a moment.

"I'm okay." She lied and her voice shook as she moved to the car to do this as quickly as possible.

But the tears began to fall and her breathing became strangled and she lost it when she pulled Ashlyn's broken sunglasses from the wreckage.

Now it was Ashlyn's turn to pull her from the car. She let Ali fall into her chest, sobbing.

"I'm so sorry!" She cried.

"It's okay! Stop blaming yourself." Ashlyn held her tight. Ali's warm tears falling on her shoulder.

"I can't help it. This is all my fault!" She cried even harder.

...

They got someone to help. There really was a ton of blood and it was everywhere.

Ali couldn't even look without feeling sick. She wasn't sick over the fact it was blood but sick over the fact the blood was Ashlyn's. She thought back to the doctor telling her they were able to stop the bleeding in time to save her life.

Most of Ash's stuff was ruined. Broken. Smashed. Captured in the twisted metal. She only came away with a few things in the end.

"Here are your keys." The guy handed them to Ashlyn and the second they hit her palm she remembered the last time she held them.

_Everything played in slow-motion..._

_The whole fight._

_Ali telling her to "Have fun in DC" while she would be at the World Cup._

_Ashlyn storming out- hoping Ali would stop her. Hoping she would say she didn't mean it._

_"Fuckkkkk!" She heard Ali cry out from the other side of the apartment door as something crashed against the wall._

_Ashlyn hurrying to her car to escape the tears threatening to fall._

_Ashlyn thinking it was over. If Ali meant what she said- there was no coming back from that._

_Ashlyn at a total loss for words or thoughts or direction._

_Ashlyn driving for an hour- trying to figure out where to go, what to do._

_But every thought went back to Ali._

_She was so lost in numbness- when the light turned green she didn't even process it. Not until the car behind her honked lightly, urging her to go._

_And halfway into the intersection she was smashed from the side. There was no screeching of brakes- the man didn't even notice he ran a red light._

_She remembers realizing the Jeep was off the ground- like the whole accident was floating in time. But that ended real fast when the Jeep crashed down on its side._

_Everything abruptly went black._

_She remembers voices. First responders. EMTs. But she was unconscious._

_"Scott, I need your help over here!" A woman yelled. "Stay with us, sweetie." She whispered to Ashlyn as she put pressure on her wounds._

_"That's a lot of blood." A man's voice joined. "This girl's not going to make it." He said as he worked on her anyway._

_"I know..." The woman agreed, sympathetically. "But we have to try." Hopelessness thick in her voice._

...

"Ash?" Ali's voice was cloudy in her head. Like it was part of the flashback. "Ashlyn?" Ali put a hand on her shoulder and snapped her out of it.

Ashlyn blinked a couple of times and shook her head before turning to Ali. "Yea?"

Ali and the auto shop guy were both staring at her. Concerned.

"Sorry." Ashlyn looked down. Not wanting to face Ali right now.

Ali thanked the guy and freed him of the tense situation.

"Ash, what's wrong?" Ali was worried.

"Nothing. I just- nothing. Tired." She shut Ali out. It seemed easier than telling her the truth.

"I can't imagine how stressed you are. Let's go home, okay? I'll tell the girls we need some time." Ali put a hand on Ashlyn's back to help her to the car.

"No, I want to see them!" Ashlyn protested. _I don't want to be alone with you._

"Okay..." Ali was cautious. She could sense Ashlyn's anger flaring but didn't know why. "Let's go to Lori's then." She started to walk with an arm around her back.

"I can walk on my own!" Ashlyn pushed Ali's arm away as she walked toward the car.

Ali just stood there. Unsure of what just happened. She didn't know what to say. She just sucked it up and followed her to the car.

...

The drive to Lori's was silent. Ashlyn looked out the window the whole time.

Ali put the car in park and turned to talk to Ashlyn but Ashlyn was already out the door. She closed it heavily behind her and didn't wait for Ali.

Ali felt herself getting upset but pushed it away. She took a deep breath and got out to follow her to the house. Whatever it was would pass.

...

Ali still couldn't bear to be more than ten feet from Ashlyn. She sat right next to her and anytime she switched from the kitchen to the living room, Ali would soon follow. She couldn't leave her side.

But Ashlyn paid her no attention. She kept her back to Ali most of the time. The hurt was too strong to face right now. She knew now that Ali didn't mean those things but she still couldn't help but feel hurt by them.

...

They stayed there most of the day. Just hung out and talked and watched some TV. Kelley drew cat ears on the bandage around Ashlyn's forehead. Tomorrow she should be able to take it off for good.

When it was time to go home- the girls walked Ashlyn to the car. They were leaving the next morning and wanted to say their goodbyes.

Lori stayed back and asked Ali how the Jeep situation went.

"Not good." Ali looked down. "It was so bad, Lor." She started to get upset again.

"I know, kid. But she's here." She pointed out.

"Yea, and now she won't talk to me." Ali blurted out as she fought the tears.

"This whole thing is a lot to handle. She'll ease up. She always does." Lori assured and she was right. "You might need to coax her... but she'll come around." Lori smiled.

"Yea, you're right." Ali sighed and hugged her. "Thanks, Lor... for everything."

...

Ashlyn went straight for the bedroom when they got home and Ali let her.

She ate a snack and then decided it was enough time. She knocked lightly and pushed the door open.

Ashlyn was curled on the bed, leaning on her good side, facing away from Ali. The only light in the room was coming from the hallway.

"Ash." Ali was met with silence. "Ash..."

"Leave me alone." Ashlyn mumbled into her pillow.

That was like a slap in the face for Ali. She turned the lights on their lowest setting and walked in. She wasn't going to give in or be treated like this. Not after all she went through.

"You can't sleep on your side."

"Like you care." Ashlyn mumbled some more. Feeling sorry for herself.

"Lay on your back, now!" Ali had it.

That surprised Ashlyn (and Ali too) and she rolled on her back to lay correctly.

Ali wasn't sure what to follow that up with so she didn't say anything. She just moved closer.

Ashlyn filled the silence. "I did what you said. Why can't you do what I said?" She was on the verge of tears. "Leave me alone."

She put the back of her hand over her forehead to try and calm herself. To hide her emotions.

"Ashlyn, you have to tell me what's wrong." Ali pleaded. "Everything seemed okay and then since the auto shop you've been pushing me away. I need to know what's wrong."

"Nothing!" Ashlyn cried out, try as she might to stop it.

"Then why are you crying right now?!" Ali begged for an answer, tears in her own eyes, her voice cracking.

"You were breaking up with me." Ashlyn sobbed.

Ali froze in place. She was taken aback. "...W- what?" She said softly, hoping she didn't just hear what she thought she heard.

Ashlyn didn't even repeat herself. She couldn't. They both knew what she said.

In a twisted way- Ali was relieved she said it- that meant she remembered more. But what a horrible piece to remember.

She moved to the bed and sat next to Ashlyn. She grabbed her hand and held it in her own.

"I didn't mean anything I said that day." Ali started but Ashlyn kept her hand over her face. "Ashlyn... Ashlyn, baby. Look at me." She willed Ashlyn to look her in the eye but Ashlyn remained stubborn. "I was mad. And I said some really hurtful things. And I didn't mean **any** of them."

Ashlyn sniffled and shook a little and it broke Ali's heart. Ali gently pulled her hand from her face and joined it with the other. 

"I love you. I cannot live without you. I literally- physically and emotionally **need** you in my life. You're... you're my entire heart!" Her lip was quivering now as she tried to get the words out. "I fucked up and I said some really shitty things and I'm so so sorry. I will regret them for the rest of my life. But I did not m-" She struggled as her voice shook. "I did not mean any of them. I want to be with you... forever."

Tears rolled down her cheeks and Ashlyn still couldn't look at her. But she felt the sincerity of Ali's words and knew her eyes never left her. She gave Ali's hand a light squeeze. That was all she was prepared to do right now.

And that was all Ali needed. She laid down next to Ashlyn, still holding her hand but gave her enough space.

After a few minutes, she moved closer. Ashlyn calmed down a bit so Ali thought it would be okay.

And a few minutes later, even closer. Until finally she was huddled right up to her.

Ali planted kisses on her shoulder and watched as Ashlyn tried to hold back a smile. She was doing a pretty good job but Ali could tell it was getting harder for her to refrain.

Finally a smiled cracked through.

It pushed Ali to kiss the crook of her neck, working her way up. "Did I just see that cute dimple of yours?" She teased. She kissed her neck and behind her ear and along her jaw.

Ashlyn kept fighting bouts of smiles and it was getting harder and harder to do.

Ali worked her way to the corner of her mouth. Kissing it softly. Once. Twice. And before the third time... "Feel free to join in." She teased Ashlyn.

Even Ali knew Ashlyn couldn't resist her cuteness.

Ashlyn turned to face her with a mostly serious face. Their eyes met silently.

"I love you." Ali reiterated, very seriously.

Ashlyn brushed the hair out of Ali's face. "I love you too, Alex." She said as she leaned in and kissed her.

When she pulled back, Ali had tears in her eyes.

"What? What's wrong?" Ashlyn leaned up on her good elbow, concerned.

Ali shook her head back-and-forth slightly. "Nothing. Just... you called me 'Alex'..." She tried to contain herself.

Ashlyn looked at her confused. "I always call you 'Alex', Alex." She replied. Only to be crushed in a hug from her girlfriend.

She winced to herself but she knew Ali needed this hug. She held out until Ali realized she might be hurting her and eased up.

Ali sat back and wiped the tears from her cheeks and then Ashlyn's. 

"Are we okay?" She asked to make sure.

"We're good." Ashlyn leaned up and kissed her until Ali broke the kiss with a smile. "Mmm?" Ashlyn hummed. Her eyes still closed from the kiss.

"You're back." Ali whispered and rubbed their noses together a couple times before squealing and taking Ashlyn back down to the bed in a hug.

_My Ashlyn is back._


End file.
